it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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it's midnight and i'm not famous yet.

By now, it's pretty plain that the Weather Channel's plan to market and merchandise winter storms get people to "take winter storms seriously by naming them" is an abject failure, in large part due to the unintentional hi-larity of the names they have chosen. (Okay, I was fond of "Gandalf." Next year: Erebor!)

Basically, it fell prey to the same sort of problems these top-down plans always have: in addition to being mockworthy, the names were unmemorable and externally imposed.

So I propose a a plan to name winter storms things that people will actually use. Twitter-friendly handles that combine a unique identifier with a succinct expression of the situation.

Please consult the table below to Name Your Winter Storm.

DateStorm Name
Oct 30-Nov 15What, Already?
Nov 16-21Snowball Fight!
Nov 21-31Well, This Is Gonna Fuck Up Travel
Dec 1-19Guess We Were About Due
Dec 20-25Maybe We'll Get A White Christmas
Dec 26-30Hey, Let's Go Skiing!
Dec 31Ambulances Are Gonna Be Busy Tonight
Jan 1-15I Really Don't Mind Shoveling This Fluffy Stuff
Jan 16-31Why Didn't We Buy A Snowblower This Year Again?
Feb 1-5Well, It Always Hits In February
Feb 6-10I'm Getting Tired Of Winter
Feb 11-15This Month Is Too Fucking Long
Feb 16-20My Grandfather Used To Call This Heart Attack Snow
Feb 21-25Seriously, This Can Be Done Now
Feb 26-28(9)Isn't It Spring Yet?
March 1-15There's Always One Last Good One
March 16-31Now Cut That Out!
April 1-May 31You Have Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me
Tags: everybody talks about the weather

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