the moste piteous reveng of cat vs. monkey

This is Microsoft Cat. He is my stepcat. He belongs to my boyfriend.

Here is how my morning went:

6:00 am: 

MICROSOFT CAT: MONKEY YOU DIURNAL RIGHT?
MONKEY: What the fuck, cat?
MICROSOFT CAT: YOU DIURNAL! YOU GETS UP AND PLAY DURING DAYTIME! IS DAYTIME! GETS UP AND PLAY!
Monkey: The sky might be a little bit grey.
MICROSOFT CAT: IS BRIGHT! GETS UP!
MONKEY: Cat, I will finish you.
MICROSOFT CAT: *digs under covers, wet noses in ears, general tromping and tickling*

6:30 am:

FITBIT ALARM: *buzzes*
MICROSOFT CAT: It looks like you're trying to get out of bed! I HEPS!
MICROSOFT CAT: *settles down cozily and purrs, emitting sleepions.*
MONKEY: Motherfucker.