it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken

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How unsexy is my book?

No, really. How unsexy is it?

[21:57] BlackCat: La la la, books are a chore.
[21:57] BlackCat: So nice when they start out. So seductive.
[21:57] BlackCat: Then it's cook and clean and pay the bills.
[21:57] Ghoulgirl I'm stuck in a great swamp
[21:57] BlackCat: I'm stuck in a bigass labyrinth with nothing for my protag to do but pick her nose.
[21:57] Ghoulgirl This book is not sexy at the moment. It now snores and doesn't do dishes. :)
[21:58] Ghoulgirl I'm in a kabob stand full of ghouls.
[21:58] BlackCat: This book watches Monday night football and leaves beer bottles half-empty with sticky rings on the furniture.
[21:58] Ghoulgirl Which is interesting, but I don't know what anyone is about to say.
[21:58] BlackCat: And it never takes me anywhere nice anymore.
[21:58] JLV: *watches Leah and Amanda lose it*
[21:59] BlackCat: We're forming a support group.
[21:59] Ghoulgirl It's busy all the time and lets the trash pile up.
[21:59] Ghoulgirl But now it's time for yellow paint, so the book can wait a few minutes.
[21:59] JLV: I'll join your group in about a month
[22:00] BackwardsTalk: But for now... *hands Jaime popcorn*
[22:00] BlackCat: (500 and taking advantage of paint break)
[22:00] JLV: thanks Kelly :)
[22:01] JLV: I'm actually debating if I want beer or graham crackers
[22:01] Bear: both
[22:01] JLV: tough choice
[22:01] Bear: My book is also unsexy.
[22:02] Bear: it's as unsexy as Alannis Morissette in 2001
[22:02] BlackCat: Mine is as unsexy as the guys in Evanescense.
[22:02] JLV: oh dear
[22:02] JLV: both of those are pretty damn unsexy
[22:03] BlackCat: And as unsexy as the middle-aged guy who came into work last week and told me I look just like the girl he lost his virginity to.
[22:03] JLV: oh yuck
[22:03] JLV: yuck
[22:03] BlackCat: (I laughed my face off. In front of him, which was probably unintentionally soul-crushing.)
[22:03] BlackCat: (but unsexy)
[22:04] Iwannagoofyname: This book watches Queer Eye for the straight guy and trolls BDSM chatrooms.
[22:04] JLV: No one should tell a stranger that Leah
[22:04] JLV: ever
[22:04] Bear: LOL
[22:05] BlackCat: Probably not, but he's the one who got laughed at, and I is the one who did the laughing.
[22:05] BlackCat: S'all good.
[22:05] JLV: Chelsea wins
[22:05] Bear: My book drinks bourbon in a lazy boy and watches NFL.
[22:05] Bear: and belches.
[22:05] BlackCat: My book pops his zits in public.
[22:05] Bear: and calls me sweet thang.
[22:05] JLV: ewwwwwwwwww
[22:05] BlackCat: And goes to Star Trek cons dressed as a Klingon and tells girls they have really nice pairs of Warp Nacels.
[22:06] BlackCat: And possibly lives in a trailer behind his parents' house.
[22:06] Iwannagoofyname: The Last Saskatchewan Pirate!
[22:06] KatKatKat: my book hangs round chat rooms looking for people to IM with its life story
[22:07] JLV: *dies*
[22:07] BlackCat: Woo!
[22:07] Iwannagoofyname: who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone? I'm gonna be a PIRATE on the river Saskatchewan!
[22:07] BlackCat: The last Saskatchewan pirate -is- sexy. :)
[22:07] Iwannagoofyname: ARRRRRRRRRRR!
[22:07] BlackCat: Arrrrrr Metis!
[22:07] BlackCat: (Get it, Metis?)
[22:07] BlackCat: (That's Reil-ly funny.)
[22:08] Iwannagoofyname: (boo.)
[22:08] BlackCat: I love that bit. :)
[22:08] Iwannagoofyname: Arrr, ye salty dog!
[22:08] Iwannagoofyname: Arrr, ye salty gopher!
[22:08] Iwannagoofyname: Arrr, ye salty bale o' hay!
[22:08] BlackCat: *giggling*
[22:09] Bear: Kat wins.
[22:09] Bear: It's screen name is something like XXXlemurSEXXX
[22:09] JLV: lol
[22:09] KatKatKat: heee
[22:09] BlackCat: book sold its life story to PublishAmerica and spams everyone who gives it a bad Amazon review with penis enlargement e-mail.
[22:10] BlackCat: Nah, I think Kat still wins. :)
[22:10] KatKatKat: yeah, yours is starting to sound interesting -- insane but interesting like a car crash
[22:10] KatKatKat: ::grins::
[22:10] Iwannagoofyname: my book hops on its right foot twice and then its left foot three times, off beat, usually stumbling, and points in the air like john travolta.
[22:11] BlackCat: I am laughing so hard Roupen is giving me dirty looks.
[22:11] Bear: *snicker*
[22:12] Iwannagoofyname: my book sings with a hairbrush for a microphone in the shower.
[22:12] JLV: tell me about it Leah *g*
[22:12] Bear: My book goes out to lesbian bars and tries to pick up the femmes, and when they turn it down, it gets all sulky and says
[22:12] Bear: "You must be a dyke or something, you fucking cunt."
[22:12] BlackCat: *dies*
[22:12] JLV: ooooooo
[22:12] BackwardsTalk: *g*
[22:12] Ghoulgirl heh
[22:12] BlackCat: I can't beat that.
[22:13] Iwannagoofyname: hmm.
[22:13] Ghoulgirl Well.... It's a C, all right...
[22:13] Bear: My book writes Real-People Slash about the backstreet boys and thinks that that will get it dates.
[22:13] Ghoulgirl :)
[22:13] KatKatKat: my book spends all day in the SFF section of the bookshop trying to read the erotica titles
[22:13] Bear: In very loose pants, Kat?
[22:13] JLV: LOL
[22:13] KatKatKat: hee
[22:14] BlackCat: My book is Terry Goodkind hanging out in the bar at Worldcon at noon on a Monday, trying to pick up girls by winking at them and saying "I'm a writer, you know?"
[22:14] BlackCat: With a greasy ponytail.
[22:14] JLV: ewwww
[22:14] BackwardsTalk: lol
[22:14] KatKatKat: my book can't find a greasy ponytail who'll hang out with it
[22:14] BlackCat: Oooh.
[22:14] BlackCat: My book aspires to be the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
[22:15] Bear: My book has back acne.
[22:15] Bear: juicy back acne.
[22:15] BlackCat: Ewwww.
[22:15] BackwardsTalk: My book likes polkas, and Milli Vanilli. Preferably together.
[22:15] Iwannagoofyname: *dies*
[22:15] JLV: you guys are killing me
[22:16] Bear: My book watches American Idol, and blogs about it.
[22:16] BlackCat: I can't breathe. :)
[22:16] Iwannagoofyname: my book memorized Dennis Leary routines.
[22:16] JLV: LOL
[22:16] BlackCat: My book lines up for rush tickets to Mamma Mia! every single day.
[22:16] Bear: My book hangs around schoolyards
[22:16] Iwannagoofyname: eeeew!
[22:16] Bear: There are Jethro Tull songs about my book.
[22:16] BackwardsTalk: *snerk*
[22:17] BlackCat: *groan*
[22:17] Bear: My book sings Barry Manilow.
[22:17] BlackCat: There are Depeche Mode songs about my book. ;)
[22:17] JLV: ohmigod
[22:17] JLV: my stomach hurts
[22:17] Iwannagoofyname: there are Smiths songs about my book.
[22:17] Bear: I love you guys.
[22:17] Bear: I am so glad I'm home alone
[22:17] Bear: Heee.
[22:17] JLV: good thing *g*
[22:17] BackwardsTalk: Oh, help. *trying to breathe*
[22:18] JLV: me too
[22:18] JLV: and I am not alone
[22:18] Iwannagoofyname: my book sings Sir Mix A Lot, because someone once told my book that appreciating the natural beauty of women will get you laid.
[22:18] BlackCat: *dies again*
[22:18] JLV: groan
[22:18] Bear: *dies*
[22:18] Iwannagoofyname: My Mistress, She Stands out behind!
[22:18] BlackCat: rofl
[22:18] JLV: LOL
[22:18] Bear: My book tweezes its nose hairs.
[22:18] BlackCat: By Hercules!
[22:18] Iwannagoofyname: Fuck I love you guysn.
[22:19] Bear: My book is eighty pounds overweight and wears the green Captain Kirk shirt to conventions.
[22:19] JLV: oh god
[22:19] Bear: and it's balding and has a greasy combover.
[22:20] JLV: oh god
[22:20] BlackCat: My book wears a trenchcoat and writes bad poetry, and then recites it to girls to impress them.
[22:20] Iwannagoofyname: My book wears army fatigues and a coaty thing made out of badly skinned rabbits and chainmail fashioned from keyrings and BITCHES about having its six foot long scottish claymore peacebonded at cons.
[22:20] Iwannagoofyname: and then volunteers for security.
[22:20] Bear: LOL
[22:20] BackwardsTalk: hee
[22:20] JLV: LOL
[22:21] BlackCat: LOL
[22:21] Bear: My book writes furry fanfic.
[22:21] Iwannagoofyname: eeeew!
[22:21] BlackCat: Eeep!
[22:21] Iwannagoofyname: My book draws furry fanfic.
[22:21] Iwannagoofyname: badly.
[22:21] BlackCat: My book writes self-insert furry slash.
[22:21] Bear: And its mother does its laundry.
[22:21] Bear: And it has a six-foot shelf of hentai.
[22:21] BackwardsTalk: Ohmygod. I think I dated your book.
[22:21] Bear: LOL
[22:21] JLV: LOL
[22:21] BlackCat: *, dead again*
[22:22] Iwannagoofyname: my book rewinds the parts in Legend of the overfiend to see that again.
[22:22] JLV: I am going to die here
[22:22] Bear: My book has inch-long yellow fingernails.
[22:22] Bear: and wears kleenex boxes on its feet.
[22:22] Iwannagoofyname: My book announces proudly that it hasn't had a haircut since 1981.
[22:22] BlackCat: My book draws pictures of Native Americans shedding single tears while mounted on winged horses with questionable anatomy and prices them at $300 in the art show.
[22:22] Bear: My book has a hairy back.
[22:23] JLV: oh that hurts
[22:23] Iwannagoofyname: your book is the guy who directed cry baby?
[22:23] Bear: God you guys rock.
[22:23] Bear: Somebody should save this and post it to a journal.
[22:23] Bear: "How unsexy is my book"?
[22:23] BlackCat: Oh, god. Open it up in the comments.
[22:23] BlackCat: Nobody would get work done for a week.
[22:23] Iwannagoofyname: open fire in the comments.
[22:23] Iwannagoofyname: do it.
[22:23] JLV: The definintive answer *g*
[22:23] Iwannagoofyname: do it.
[22:23] Bear: *g*
[22:26] JLV: I drove people out of the room *g*
[22:26] JLV: go me :)
[22:26] BlackCat: Woo!
[22:26] BackwardsTalk: Whee!
[22:27] JLV: and I still can't breathe
[22:27] BlackCat: ( book speaks in netspeak. In real life.)
[22:27] JLV: heee
[22:27] Ghoulgirl My book wears a black leather trenchcoat and white-face in the middle of summer.
[22:27] Ghoulgirl Without deodorant.
[22:27] BlackCat: *snerk*
[22:28] Ghoulgirl I hope the Hockey Gods appreciate my efforts
[22:28] JLV: of course they do
[22:28] Bear: My book talks about BDSM at Denny's during lunch rush.
[22:28] Ghoulgirl Heh
[22:28] Ghoulgirl That's bad?
[22:28] BackwardsTalk: *snicker*
[22:28] Iwannagoofyname: My book talks about Wicca in Denny's during the sunday family dinner specials.
[22:28] Bear: When you're sitting next to a five year old?
[22:29] BlackCat: Depends on whose five-year-old.
[22:29] Bear: And obviously haven't been laid since 1962?
[22:29] BlackCat: Oh, okay then.
[22:29] Ghoulgirl My book is smarter than everyone else, even with a cold.
[22:29] Bear: LOL
[22:29] JLV: LOl
[22:29] BlackCat: My book asks random people who wear black if they have their own Book of Secrets.
[22:29] JLV: LOL
[22:29] Ghoulgirl *chokes on paintbrush*
[22:30] Iwannagoofyname: My book decided that Thelemites were way cooler than Wiccans and is now reading every word Aliester Crowley ever dribbled onto a page--
[22:31] Iwannagoofyname: no wait, my book's a druid now.
[22:31] KatKatKat: my book always brings enough to share, but no one ever wants to
[22:31] Ghoulgirl My book invites its geeky friends over for D&D games and leaves the moldering pizza-box stacks by the couch for a month.
[22:31] Iwannagoofyname: my book is a minmaxing rules lawyering manty haulin' munchkin.
[22:31] Ghoulgirl And wears its grungy sweats all the time, even in public.
[22:31] BlackCat: I played with your book for six months, Chels. :)
[22:31] Iwannagoofyname: LOL
[22:32] Bear: My book plays Chivalry and Sorcery.
[22:32] BlackCat: My book plays White Wolf.
[22:32] BlackCat: 'Nuff said.
[22:32] Iwannagoofyname: your book is old school unsexy.
[22:32] Bear: And its character is a hot redheaded Lesbian in a chain mail bikini.
[22:32] Iwannagoofyname: my book plays shadowrun.
[22:32] Ghoulgirl My book weighs 300 lbs, but dressed up as Princess Mononoke for Akon.
[22:32] Iwannagoofyname: and always plays elf mages from tir tarnigre and corporate etiquette 6.
[22:32] Ghoulgirl Leah, my book really does play White Wolf. :)
[22:33] BlackCat: That's naughty of it. :)
[22:33] Ghoulgirl Thankfully, few people will ever know.
[22:33] BlackCat: (Sez the girl who is trying to keep a Champions in-joke firmly out of her book and failing.)
[22:33] Ghoulgirl One of my books will have Mithras, Aesma Daeva, and a bunch of ghouls playing hockey.
[22:33] Iwannagoofyname: oh, and I edited chapter five.
[22:33] BlackCat: ('Cause in Hero System rules, doing a power called "Change Environment: Fire" is just so damn funny.)
[22:34] Iwannagoofyname: ghouls playing hockey!
[22:34] Iwannagoofyname: wikkid!
[22:34] BlackCat: ('Cause it's such a blatant rules abuse, but there's something so great about changing something to the same something, just on fire. :) )
[22:34] BlackCat: I think Mithras would cheat at hockey.
[22:34] Ghoulgirl Yes, he would. :)
[22:34] Ghoulgirl So would Aesma.
[22:36] BlackCat: I keep having to restrain Bill about that.
[22:36] Ghoulgirl I now have a tank-top with a big flaming C on it.
[22:36] Ghoulgirl I am such a geek.
[22:36] BlackCat: He kind of wants to just jump in and do Too Many Men On the Ice all over the place.
[22:36] Iwannagoofyname: you RAWK!
[22:37] Iwannagoofyname: big flaming C-Tank!
[22:37] Ghoulgirl I wish Aesma could make an appearance in this book, but that might be a too-many-cooks sort of thing.
[22:37] BlackCat: Wooo!
[22:37] JLV: brb
[22:37] Ghoulgirl I'll even wear matching red underwear. :)
[22:38] Ghoulgirl The gods better be paying attention.
[22:39] BlackCat: (My book orders fancy champagne to impress his dates and calls it Frex-i-net.)
[22:39] Ghoulgirl My book watches pro wrestling.
[22:40] BlackCat: My book cosplays as pro wrestlers.
[22:40] Ghoulgirl And swears it's not fake.
[22:40] Ghoulgirl My book larps at clubs.
[22:40] Iwannagoofyname: *dies*
[22:40] Ghoulgirl And is always Dreadfully Mysterious
[22:40] Iwannagoofyname: Frex-i-net!
[22:41] JLV: I don't even know what that is and its making me laugh
[22:41] Iwannagoofyname: MY book larps at the same clubs, but effects a screwy accent and acts like a cross between Oscar Wilde and the blonde guyfrom Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
[22:42] BlackCat: Freixenet is a fancy fancy champagne. Pronounced more like "fre-jeu-nay".
[22:42] Iwannagoofyname: my book quotes Kafka: that which does not kill me makes me stronger.
[22:42] JLV: ah
[22:42] Ghoulgirl lol
[22:43] BlackCat: My book quotes Dostoyevsky.
[22:43] BlackCat: Incorrectly.
[22:43] JLV: heh
[22:43] KatKatKat: my book believes he's quoting Nietzsche but is actually quoting Donald Duck
[22:43] JLV: LOL
[22:43] BlackCat: *chuckle*
[22:44] Ghoulgirl Alas, my bedtime approaches
[22:45] Bear: my book has the hots for the Vulcan chick on Enterprise.
[22:45] Bear: Night Amanda
[22:45] BlackCat: *snerk*
[22:45] KatKatKat: Night Amanda
[22:45] BlackCat: G'night, Amanda.
[22:45] JLV: night Amanda
[22:45] BlackCat: My book stalks Dr. Phlox.
[22:46] BlackCat: And plays the opening song on endless repeat.
[22:46] KatKatKat: mine claims to have the hots for Dax but pays a great deal of attention to Julian
[22:46] Ghoulgirl My book requests Headhunter
[22:46] BlackCat: Oh, I love you guys. :)
[22:46] Bear: LOL Kat!
[22:46] BlackCat: Look, you killed Bear.
[22:46] Iwannagoofyname: My book requests Temple of Love
[22:46] Ghoulgirl LOL
[22:46] BlackCat: My book requests Haddaway.
[22:46] Bear: My book wears assless leather pants.
[22:47] Iwannagoofyname: and does the My little Pony dance.
[22:47] Bear: And it has a hairy ass.
[22:47] JLV: oh god
[22:47] JLV: I am dying!
[22:47] Iwannagoofyname: off beat, with lots of arm-flapping.
[22:47] BlackCat: My book looks up the skirt of the He-Man action figures.
[22:47] Ghoulgirl Mine humps the pole on the dancefloor
[22:47] KatKatKat: mine knows all the dance moves for Agado
[22:48] BackwardsTalk: Eeee! *dies*
[22:48] KatKatKat: including three ways to 'push pineapple'
[22:48] Iwannagoofyname: My book looooves babylon 5 because my book had erotic daydreams about Billy Mumy from when he was on Lost in Space and that bumpy thing on his bald eyebrowless head is SNEXY.
[22:48] Bear: My book still brags about getting a blow job from its cousin in ninth grade.
[22:48] BlackCat: *dead*
[22:48] Ghoulgirl My book is dressing up to stand in line overnight for tickets to Episode 3.
[22:48] Iwannagoofyname: OH GOD
[22:48] JLV: oooooooooo
[22:48] BlackCat: (Shut up, Amanda, I'm doing that. ;) )
[22:49] JLV: Bear!
[22:49] BackwardsTalk: lol
[22:49] BlackCat: My book still wonders why Bester didn't have a Russian accent.
[22:49] Bear: LOL Kat!
[22:49] Iwannagoofyname: My book walked up to the people lined up for The Matrix and said "Wow, you wore a costume."
[22:49] Bear: Leah, okay, you just killed me on a strictly fangirl level.
[22:49] Bear: Since I can answer that. *g*
[22:49] BlackCat: Bester?
[22:49] Iwannagoofyname: and then my book yelled, "OH YEAH? Well I'm puttin a druid curse on your ass!"
[22:49] Bear: LOL
[22:50] BlackCat: My book tries to explode people's heads with his mind.
[22:51] Bear: my book misquotes Byron. *g*
[22:51] KatKatKat: my book believes it bent a spoon while Uri Gellar was on TV
[22:51] KatKatKat: and the accidental impact with the edge of the table had no effect whatsoever
[22:51] JLV: you guys are something else *g*
[22:51] BlackCat: My book talks very seriously about its past life as a prostitute in revolutionary France.
[22:52] Ghoulgirl My book often talks about what an old soul it obviously is.
[22:52] BlackCat: My book tried to have a rib removed when it heard that Marilyn Manson rumour.
[22:53] BlackCat: And oh man, I am not getting any more words tonight. :)
[22:53] Ghoulgirl My book pronounces macabre 'mack-a-ber'.
[22:53] Ghoulgirl Yeah, the words are gone now.
[22:53] BackwardsTalk: My book travelled the world with a lawn dwarf.
[22:53] JLV: LOL
[22:53] BackwardsTalk: And took pictures.
[22:53] JLV: LOL
[22:53] BlackCat: Which reminds me how we never did that postcards from Charlie's pants thing.
[22:54] Ghoulgirl Okay, really bed now.
[22:54] Ghoulgirl Good night, crazy people
[22:54] BlackCat: Good night, Crazy Amanda. :)
[22:54] Ghoulgirl I will laugh my ass off all day at work tomorrow just remembering this.
[22:54] JLV: good night Amanda :)
[22:55] KatKatKat: ::waves::
[22:55] BackwardsTalk: bye!
[22:55] Bear: You guys have ruined my wordcount and made me a happy girl.
[22:55] BackwardsTalk: Ditto. :D
[22:55] BlackCat: Tee hee.
[22:56] JLV: You are all too much fun *g*
[22:56] BackwardsTalk: I giggled and wheezed so loud, that my neighbours are now speaking in hushed whispers as they walk past my window.
[22:57] JLV: LOL
[22:57] Iwannagoofyname: My book has just discovered the deep and eldritch secrets of the Necronomicon! But my book pronounces it Neck-roe-NO-mee-con. My book is going to show those guys at that Matrix premeire!
[22:57] BlackCat: Oh, god, I'm so getting you drunk one of these days. :)
[22:58] JLV: If I laugh any more I won't be able to breathe at all
[22:58] Iwannagoofyname: fuck. did somebody blog this?

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