it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
matociquala

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Things to do:

1) Become a better writer.

2) Figure out what I need to learn to accomplish 1)

3) Repeat until Hugos and 6-figure advances start to pile up.

***

I'm haunted by the feeling that I'm still not quite good enough. The problem is, while I can look at the stories I would *like* to be writing (Current source of woe: George R. R. Martin's "Portraits of his Children") and see that they are somehow different from what I am writing, I can't quite see how to make myself more like that stuff.

In my more lucid moments, I am aware that this may have something to do with the fact that Martin has been a professional writer approximately as long as I have been breathing. That these two facts may be linked has not entirely escaped my attention.

I want to be a better writer. I want to go beyond "good at this" and hit "damned good at this" any day now, please. And the thing that's driving me nuts is that I can't see, any more, what I need to do better. I just know that the gestalt must not quite be good enough.

I'm reaching that point that I've heard established pros talk about. The one where you get so frustrated from pushing at this resilient polymer film of not quite good enough that feels like it's always stretching to cover your abilities and keep your sories from being really, really good that you start screaming and kicking and defying God. Maybe I can get smote if I try hard enough.

Dammit, I have been doing this for fifteen years. I'm ready to be good enough now.

***

In less whiny news, 697 words on Scardown. Words that may suck, but they do, in fact, advance the plot. Although I currently have the creeping suspicion that the whole scene is a giant asyouknowbob. But that may just be the middle of the book, and the fact that every word I write between here and oh, about word 80,000 is going to suck. At least until I finish the book and go back and read it, and then I'll probably think most of them are okay.
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