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bear by san

March 2017



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bear by san


deannahoak, tanaise, I know you've been waiting with bated breath.

The 2005 Bad Sex list is out.

And again, I'm not on it.

Ah well, there's always The Stratford Man...

Some big names this year. So to speak.

Fizz screamed silently through it all - through gritted teeth, through wide-open mouth - and only those who have known a woman screaming silently in orgasm know how loud it is. It ripped through the room and set me to pounding frenzies.


Bwa ha ha! That was great. Like Zorro, indeed. snort.
It's a good year for fellatio.

Tell me again why you're not writing litfic?
Oh. My.

Tally ho?
There's a "Straining manhood." What more do you need?

Actually, the Updike one makes me sad. You can actually see how it could have been good.
OMG, I read about five and am afraid to read more for fear it will keep me from writing effective smut ever again. It might be catching. :-P
I think the lobsters are my favorite. Such a nice counterpoint to Accelerando.
autopope, are you listening? The call goes out!
Wow. Those were spectacularly bad. I wonder if that was on purpose?

Nah. They'd be so much funnier if they were.
Most of these passages horrified me or made me cross my legs to repel stray crows or lobsters.

But the paragraph from The Olive Readers? That didn't bother me much. Am I wearing bad-sex blinders when it comes to that paragraph? To me it's not even in the same league as "familiar Celtic flesh," or "Zorro."
That seems like a perfectly good sex scene to me. Maybe the editors are squeamish about pussy juice.
Crustacean smut!
Did anyone notice that those 'scenes' were written by men (mostly)? No wonder there are so many dissatisfied women in the world. :-)

If it's uncut....and unsubt....le....

You know, I think I enjoyed reading these comments out of context far more than I could have enjoyed reading the things you all were commenting.

That was fun. Comment some more!
languid buttocks

Reminds me of lithe opaque nose and sagging nipples.

*shudders convulsively*

Excuse me, I must go bathe in bleach now.

Re: Shame on you!

It's called the Bad Sex List. What more warning do you NEED?!

And John Clute said I shouldn't write sex scenes?


I'm still fond of the superglue. More in theory than in practice.

But it was so very... in character...
Bless the Guardian for doing this, but oh, yuck!

I *think* they're specifically going after big-name overblown Litratcher Authors, so genre hacks are safe. Either that or us genre hacks have better standards for sex xcenes, alhtough I'm *sure* Romance Writers of AMerica need to start their own version of this award.

And I really wish darling hadn't brought me a nice hot drink of cider and brandy with a *lobster* on the end of the drink stirrer just then.

I'm glad I'm not living in a bad sex scene, otherwise that miniature plastic lobster from Harvey's ("Restaurant of Presidents since 1858" according to the gold print on the stick part) would be having adventures I don't want it to have.
Bob Wilson writes a nice sex scene....

Actually, Anthony Burgess kind of rocks them, too. I think the secret is NO OVERBLOWN METAPHORS.