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bear by san

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bear by san

It occurs to me that I really object to the privileging of romantic love, e.g. limerence, in art.


Progress notes for 28 April 2006:

Undertow

New Words: 1043
Total Words: 16297
Pages: 80
Deadline: August 1
Reason for stopping: tired, and would rather be playing video games

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
16,297 / 100,000
(16.3%)


Stimulants: seltzer
Exercise: I walked down to the center of town, mailed contracts, went to my bank, purchased and ate a bagel with lox and extra tomato, ate it on the town green under a cherry tree with a Nantucket Nectar lemonade, got a library card, and walked back again. About five miles, I think.
Mail: nomail
Today's words Word don't know:   distributary, digited , froggy, tympanic, melanistic, slagged, euryhaline, saltless, osmose
Words I'm surprised Word do know: n/a
Mean Things: Huck and Jim are on their raft heading upriver.
Tyop du jour: n/a
Darling du jour: that seemed an oddly reptilian way to consume medication when one was still perfectly fit, and permeable.
Books in progress: Wendy Moore, The Knife Man;
Interesting tidbit of the day: jedediah linked this; it's cool. Also, from last week, but I'm slow: THE WORD is "BARD."
Other writing-related work: contracts

Comments

What's the 'priveleging of love'?

Priveleging of Limerence over Other Kinds of Love!

:-).

There are other kinds of love in literature and in life. Like pragmatic love and agape love. And there is puppy love!

(Sorry Mr Leggett - I was only teasing about puppy love).

It's like: the Greeks have six words for love and the English only have one and it has to cover everything.

Now that's not economic!

Adelaide Dupont
What video games? :D
I agree about limerence. I especially object to my own conditioning in this regard. And that is a fabulous darling.
*sporks the Princess Bride*
THANK you.

Not that I didn't love it when I was in high school.

Actually, pretty much exactly because of how much I loved it when I was in high school.
Did you see Peg Kerr's Super-Shakespeare icon? I chuckled out loud over it.
this one?
Yeah.

::chuckles::

I like that.
I had never come across the word limerence before.

I have learned something today, and that's always a good sign.

Thank you.

Re: OED On Limerance

Um. I know what it means. *g*

Re: OED On Limerance

;-)
It occurs to me that I really object to the privileging of romantic love, e.g. limerence, in art.

Hmm. I can see where you're coming from, and even sympathize, but if I could change it, I wouldn't, awful person that I am.

The subject of two (or more) people who choose to get married> become a family with each other, and everything that leads up to that, fascinates me. And sometimes that starts in limerence (great word, btw), so even though the way fiction is obsessed with that particular beginning point to the exclusion of others--like friendship, good natured lust, or even pragmatism--irritates me, I'm willing to accept the convention if it leads to a well written exploration of a relationship. However, if limerence ceased to exist, and I could still have the same number of books about relationships to read using lust or friendship or pragmatism as a starting point, I'd be fine. Somehow, I don't think those things have enough zing to support a market, like Romance, which I read and sometimes even enjoy.

So, I get what you're saying, but I'm still gonna cuddle my necessary evil close. ::pets:: 'Cause even though it can lead to some pretty sickening shit (Uh, no, Ms. Heroine, infatuation isn't a good reason to stay with or marry a hero who's an absolute abusive *fuck* to to you when you could go off with your best female friend (you know your bi!) or that guy friend who's nice & decent to you, and reasonably attractive even, but doesn't obsess you quite as much), it's worth it for the times when leads to the good stuff I want.
*you're
Me, I'd rather not have to deal with the expectation that every relationship in a work of fiction is going to be romantic.

Which is why I loved 1crowdedhour's When the King Comes Home so passionately. Because it goes someplace totally different with what seems like a romantic setup.

Some of us are just not motivated by marriage as a goal, I think.
Some of us are just not motivated by marriage as a goal, I think.

For one thing, marriage isn't an end, it's a beginning. I think that's what annoys me most about the traditional romance story.

But then I don't like tales of adultery either. You know the sort, where a passionate affair is an escape from the dullness of marriage. That's just another version of the "romantic love trumps all other kinds" trope.
Testify!
But then I don't like tales of adultery either. You know the sort, where a passionate affair is an escape from the dullness of marriage. That's just another version of the "romantic love trumps all other kinds" trope.

If I agreed any harder, I'd get whiplash. *Emphatically* seconded.
For one thing, marriage isn't an end, it's a beginning. I think that's what annoys me most about the traditional romance story.

Yes. Positive examples of marriage as a day to day effort instead of as the Big Event which somehow, vaguely, leads to Happily Ever After are sadly missing in the majority of romantic fiction. I honestly wish there were more. People trying to make a life together is one of the most fascinating (and mysterious -- I've never been married, myself) topic I can imagine.

sartorias has a really good recent dicussion of fictional matrimony. She talks about how few positive, realistic portrayals of it there are in fiction, and why. It's a great discussion.

On my own part, my favorite romance is Peter/Harriet from Dorothy L. Sayer's Peter Wimsey series, and one of the things I love about it is the *entire book* set after they marry, exploring the daily struggle to work together, to be decent to each other, to fight as fairly as possible, even when they want to pull out the emotional blackmail and go nuclear on each other.

I wish I could find more books like that, really.

But then I don't like tales of adultery either. You know the sort, where a passionate affair is an escape from the dullness of marriage. That's just another version of the "romantic love trumps all other kinds" trope.

Argh. Yes. Hate that.

Someone did that to Elizabeth and Darcy in a published Pride & Prejudice fanfic sequel I read once.

::sound of book hitting wall::
But it's what I know how to write!

---L.
Which is not to say, I don't think that our cultural obsession with it is problematic, because it is, and that our culture's artistic obsession with it isn't overly narrow. Just that, it's my personal artistic obsession, being as it is the confluence of the messiness of sex and the discoveriness of adolescence. When I write about other things without it, they come out flat and banal.

(I rilly like When the King Comes Home for the same reason.)

---L.
Oh, sure. And romantic love shows up in my stuff too, because, well, it happens.

But it's not the only reason people form alliances, and it's not a better reason dammit.
Nor is it the only reason people break alliances, and all too often a worse reason.

---L.
"Reason for stopping: tired, and would rather be playing video games"

Roger that.