it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
matociquala

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In measured hundredweight, and penny pound.

I figured out something really cool today, regading how character action is directed within a sentence.

I wrote this:

Katie put her back against the door beside the wall and began to shiver.

And then I looked at it and crossed it out. Katie put her back against the door beside the wall and began to shiver.

And then I wrote this:

Katie put her back against the door beside the wall and crossed her arms over her chest to confine her shivering.

And then I couldn't explain it, so I went and showed it to leahbobet and stillnotbored and made them explain it to me.

[17:52] matociquala: So I wrote the first one, went "ehn."
[17:52] matociquala: Crossed it out.
[17:52] matociquala: Wrote the second one and stared at it.
[17:53] matociquala: And the light bulb went ping.
[17:53] matociquala: In the second one, she stays in control of the action.
[17:53] leahbobet: Oh, oh.  :)
[17:53] matociquala: Yeah.
[17:53] leahbobet: I get it.
[17:53] matociquala: She's protagging.
[17:53] matociquala: While shivering.
[17:53] matociquala: Instead of just being made to shiver.
[17:53] leahbobet: Versus being inhabited by a stray action.
[17:53] matociquala: Yes! What you said!
[17:54] leahbobet: Huh.  That's pretty sweet.  :)
[17:54] matociquala: I did a little dance.
[17:54] leahbobet: heehee.
[17:54] matociquala: Can I steal your explanation?
[17:54] matociquala: Since I was stumped on how to 'splain?
[17:54] stillnotbored: that is awesome
[17:54] stillnotbored: and I totally see it
[17:54] matociquala: It's so *simple*.
[17:54] stillnotbored: yes
[17:55] matociquala: How did it take me (mumble) years to figure that out?
[17:55] stillnotbored: she does instead of being done to
[17:55] matociquala: And it's all internal to the way the sentence in constructed.
[17:55] matociquala: The action never changes.
[17:55] matociquala: It's just stronger narrative drive.
Tags: writing craft wank
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