it's a great life, if you don't weaken (matociquala) wrote,
it's a great life, if you don't weaken
matociquala

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Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy insomnia. I'd adopt it as a permanent state if I could: I loathe sleep. What a waste of perfectly good reading time!

Lately, though, it seems as if I need seven hours a night, which is frustrating, because for most of my adult life I made do on four or five with a great deal of success. On the other hand, I have noticed a benefit: one sleepless night is now something I can deal with with equanimity. And in fact, be normal and functional the next day. Which wouldn't have happened a couple of years ago, when I was living on the very edge of my sleep requirement.

Still, I loathe sleep. I like the small hours of the morning, and I hate missing them, and I like sunrise, and I like sunset, and I like 9 am in the morning and afternoons and evenings. I hate missing any of them.

The insomnia seems to have been my the sound of my brain kicking over, anyway. I've been writing ahead of the well for some time now, constructing novels not by scooping up bucketsfulls of sweet cold ideas and gulping them, bt by painstakingly soaking up what dripped down the old stones and then squeezing it, filtering it, picking it over.

Suddenly, as of yesterday, I have a head full of stories again. I know how the rest of "Lumiere" goes, and I know a whole bunch about Dust, and I think I'm ready to take on All the Windwracked Stars and "Bone and Jewel Creatures" too. I hope. Still no inspiration for "Periastron," but it will come.

And I actually dreamed last night (usually I don't--well, okay, I know physiologically I do, but I don't remember any of it) and it was relevant dreams. There's a bunch of stuff in there that I can use in Dust. So I won't tell you about it, because it's cool and I don't want to spoil the surprise--(Hah! See, I just present the very clever illusion of never withholding information here, but it's all sleight of hand--I don't actually tell you anything)--but I will say one thing.

Forest of books, man. Forest of books.

And I know all about girl-Percival now. I could say, oh, one part Agatha Heterodyne, one part Revenge of the Nerds, except that's completely wrong. (Even more completely wrong than describing Undertow as "Little Fuzzy meets The Italian Job." *g*) But yeah, I know her. She showed up. I can see her in my head, all long light brown flyaway hair and bony elbows, and I can feel the way she moves.

I'm going to have to read a lot of Arthuriana before I sit down to write this thing, and let it infect me a little more thoroughly.

Apparently what I needed was to stay up all night watching Torchwood and Criminal Minds and reading Cook's Illustrated.


Dust seems to want chapter epigrams, so I have been collecting them. A correspondent quoted King Lear in comments to the last entry, and that made me think of them. Since epigrams (like songs and myths and scents and emotions) can be one of the things I hang a story on**, I thought I would share the ones I have picked out so far, if you don't mind.

(If I don't get to wind up calling it Dust (I suspect there might be a conflict with the Charles Pellegrino novel of the same title) then my fallback is House of Dust.)

And so:

*

Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.

--Shakespeare, King Lear I.i

*

To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.


--Shakespeare, Cymbeline IV.ii

*

All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

--Shakespeare, Cymbeline IV.ii

*

Tell it not in Gath; weep not at all.
In the House of Dust roll yourself in ashes.

--Micah 1:10 (my own rephrase: don't bother looking for it in a real Bible. *g*)

*

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

--John 14:2, KJV

*

Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do.

--John 8:44 KJV

*

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

--Quentin Crisp (and thanks to ladegard for that one, oh many years ago.)

*

We were all born of flesh, in a flare of pain
We do not remember the red roots whence we rose
But we know that we rose and walked, that after a while
We shall lie down again.

--Conrad Aiken, "The House of Dust"

*

It is strange, this house of dust was the house I lived in
The house you lived in, the house that all of us know

--Conrad Aiken, "The House of Dust"

*

 And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
     In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
       Before the children green and golden
         Follow him out of grace.

--Dylan Thomas, "Fern Hill"

*

All right, even though I overslept, time for food and caffeine and work.



**Carnival, for example, proceeds heavily from my responses to a favorite Dorothy Parker sonnet, "Fair Weather." Which I think describes Angelo and Vincent rather well. Especially as it interplays with another favorite sonnet, Edna St. Vincent Millay's "Love is not all."

And of course there's Lesa, who in some part comes from an Edna St. Vincent Millay sonnet, "Women have loved before as I love now."

Here's a Millay poem that's pretty good for Dust, too, although maybe not quotable. "Here is a wound that will never heal, I know"

As for Parker, she influenced or inspired me in other ways, also. "Sounding" grows out of a response to her poem "Penelope." And probably listening to Jethro Tull's "The Whaler's Dues"

.

Tags: bavarian babushkas, edda of burdens, girl percival, jacob's ladder, poetry
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