Tags: presumptuous cat

comics invisibles king mob

guess what i'm stirring it with a monkey's paw

c. 2:47 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?


c. 2:49 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl?


c. 2:52 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: yowl!


c. 2:53 am, Saturday 5 November 2011

Complaint Department: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey: Grruh? Guh? Hnnnnh? ZOMG, Cat, what is that racket? Is the night on fire?
Complaint Department: Monkey! MONKEYMONKEYMONKEY! Did you know the acoustics in this bathroom are fantastic?!
Monkey: I wish I were dead. Scratch that, I wish I were deaf. Scratch that, I wish you were deaf.
Complaint Department: Surely you can't have forgotten that deaf white cat we used to live with. And how loud he was?
Monkey: ....
Complaint Department: Well?
Monkey: Your point.
Complaint Department: *smug* Anyway. As I was saying--*clears throat*--I think this bathtub is the perfect place for an aria!
Monkey: *suffocates self with pillows*

sf sapphire and steel kiss (darkness)

some are alive and some are dead. makes no difference when they're in your head.

The cats are refining their murder attempts.

This afternoon's subtlety: a fur mousy left right behind the door at the bottom of the stairs, so when I opened it as I descended, the door jammed and I stepped off the staircase right into the door.
  • Current Music
    Kevn Kinney - 40 Miles of Mountain Road (Radio Paradise - DJ-mixed modern & classic rock, world, ele
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problem cat

the very thing that makes her rich will make you poor.

Monkey: Um. Cat?
Complaint Department: *mysteriously absent*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed?
Complaint Department: *curiously elsewhere*
Monkey: Why is there a hairball in my bed, between the sheets?
Complaint Department: *nowhere to be found*
Monkey: Cat, if you're unwell, perhaps we need to go to the vet. Seriously. This hairball!
Complaint Department: It's spring. I'm shedding.
Monkey: In my bed!
Complaint Department: I didn't feel good. It was a very large hairball.
Monkey: Between the SHEETS!
Complaint Department: The kitten tucked me in. Besides, it was time you changed the sheets anyway.
Monkey: I just changed them last week.
Complaint Department: You're not the only one who sleeps in this bed, you know.
Monkey: Trust me. I know.
Complaint Department: ...
Monkey: I don't love you anymore.
Complaint Department: You were never worthy of me anyway.








hairball roulette
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cat and mouse

Cat V. Monkey: Weekend Edition

Complaint Department: Are you up? Because the food in my bowl has been there since last night. It might be poison.
Monkey: I'm allegedly working.
Complaint Department: You should get up and give me new food.
Monkey: You could come back to bed and snuggle.
Complaint Department: What if I sit on the book case beside the bed (my bed, which I generously allow you to use) and practice walking across your shoulders? 
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh, I will scream. And that will be stressful for both of us.
Complaint Department: You should get up. If you get up (and give me new food) you can do yoga and start the bread. Mmmm, bread.
Monkey: Mmmm, brea-- Hey. I saw what you did there.
Complaint Department: What if I put my paws on your arm adorably?
Monkey: If you put your claws in my soft milky-white flesh...
Complaint Department: Yeah, yeah. Scream, stressful. It's after 8. Get up.You're not working, you're reading news from Japan.
Monkey: They have cats in Japan.
Complaint Department: Was that a threat? Because it was a lame one.
Monkey: Like the bit with your paws on my arm?
Complaint Department: That one wasn't empty. *stares*
Monkey: *uneasy*
Complaint Department: *stares*
Monkey: "All right, all right, I'm up. I should do yoga anyway."
Complaint Department: *purrs*

cat and mouse

Cat Vs. Monkey, Holiday Edition

INT STAIRWAY 
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

MONKEY is climbing the stairs with a plate of cheese and crackers and a cup of tea. Monkey is wearing pajamas and a bathrobe.

#

INT BEDROOM
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

ENTER MONKEY

MONKEY spots COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT on bed, snuggled up with a stuffed cat. Quietly, MONKEY retreats to hallway.

#

INT OFFICE
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

MONKEY gestures to OTHER MONKEY, beckoning her into the bedroom.

#

INT BEDROOM
MONKEY AND OTHER MONKEY RESIDENCE
LATE CHRISTMAS EVE

ENTER MONKEY and OTHER MONKEY.

MONKEY points to COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT. 

OTHER MONKEY: "That's adorable."
COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT: *glowers*
OTHER MONKEY: "I'm sorry. Of course you're not adorable. You're evil. The adorable is just a disguise."
MONKEY: "You know her so well."
COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT: *glowers more*

***

December 2010 003

Yes. I'm even evil when I'm hugging your stuffed cat.



Merry December Non-Denominational Gift-Giving Day to all, and to all an Evil Cat!
cat and mouse

Cat V. Monkey: Suitcase Edition

Complaint Department: Monkey? Are you... packing?
Monkey: I am. I'm going away for a week.
Complaint Department: But there are things all over the bed.
Monkey: I know. I will put them in the suitcase as soon as you get your furry butt off them.
Complaint Department: But now the bed is uncomfortable!
Monkey: That's because you are sleeping on my hairbrush.
Complaint Department: And your toothpaste. And some pill bottles.
Monkey: *sigh*
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's arm*
Monkey: Excuse me?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's wrist*
Monkey: Is this a gentle reminder that the food bowl is empty?
Complaint Department: *licks monkey's toes*
Monkey: Ack! We do not negotiate with terrorists!
Complaint Department: Technically, this is extortion. It's a common mistake.
Monkey: ...there's food in your bowl. There has been all along.
Complaint Department: Made you look.
Monkey: At least you're off my hairbrush.
Fearless Kjitten: Hey! The bed is lumpy!
cat and mouse

(no subject)

Complaint Department: Hey! Big clumsy monkey! Watch your butt!
Monkey: Ooops. Sorry. I was attempting to sit beside you, but you have a devious tail.
Complaint Department: Devious tail? Are you mocking my disability?
Monkey: Devious tail syndrome?
Complaint Department: It deeply affects my quality of life!
Monkey: Watch it. If you chase me out of bed entirely, you won't have anything warm to sleep on at all.
Conplaint Department: Details. Hey, fill up your water glass. I stole it all while you were sleeping.
hustle micket con is on

Cat Vs. Monkey: Dark Cats of the Sith

Complaint Department: Monkey, are you up?
Monkey: Despite the fact that you are walking on my hand and my hair and face, no.
Complaint Department: Monkey, are you dead?
Fearless Kjitten: Ooo, if she's dead, can I eat her?
Monkey: Not dead. Can't eat me. I'm sleeping in half an hour. Back off.
Complaint Department: You clock radio is making noise.
Monkey: I know. I'm  listening to it.
Complaint Department: But the sun is up.
Monkey: I know. I'm not getting up yet.
Complaint Department: YOU MIGHT BE DEAD!
Monkey: Really, not dead, you little monster.
Complaint Department: But it's time to get up!
Monkey: How can you tell?
Complaint Department: Because the big hand is on the thingy and the little hand is on the other thingy.
Monkey: It's a digital clock.
Complaint Department: Oh, bother.
Monkey: *gloats*
Complaint Department: Anyway, the clock of MAH BELLEH says it's time to GET UP.
Monkey: Why is there no snooze button on a cat?
Complaint Department: Institute Plan  B.
Fearless Kjitten: *pushes things off taller things with resounding crashes*
Monkey: *grumbling, gets up*
Complaint Department: Today, my young apprentice, you have made me proud.